I hate the world

I'm on my period

My laptop is being a retard

I hate having to eat so much. My family is forcing me. I miss eating less than 800 calories a day

I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. Pain or no pain, I'm going to that gym tomorrow

I hate my new classes.

I hate having no real friends to hang out with

I hate that senior pictures are around the corner

I'm not sure whether today was good or bad

Sooo, for breakfast I had a cup of vanilla soymilk. plain, no sugar or anything. However, I started feeling hungry (which I don't mind) and really light headed, so I had to snack on Veggie Straws (130 cals for 38 straws) until lunch which was a vegetable stromboli that mom made. I didn't really like it so I ate around 6 bites or so, but I felt really full. For dinner I had a veggie pattie sandwich-no condiments whatsoever. 

So I might have had about 850 calories? Take or give some. Seems like a descent number. Still, I'm mad at my body for being so weak. Maybe breakfast really is the most important meal of the day? My mom kept on bitching at me for not "eating enough". My mother is a very intuitive, pushy woman.

Also, I need the motivation to get my fatass to the gym. It's really hard to start working out when you're as lazy as I am. Maybe I'll just stand in front of the mirror in underwear for a while. 

I missed Pretty Little Liars last night, I'm going to try to find it online. I love that show! I can't believe I forgot it was Monday. Blah. I've also decided that my heart desires the Black Shatter OPI nail polish. And that I need my mother to drive me to a MAC counter to get powder...as I have been bugging her to for god knows how long. I love her, but she's a bitch at times. 

I've managed to fuck up again but I came up with a plan....

Ate like the fucking pig I am again. I can just feel the fat under my pj bottoms and in my stomach.

But, I have a plan. With the new semester starting, I will ask my mom for lunch money to buy a salad. Instead of the salad, I will buy water. When I get home, I will go to the gym

Sooo....the result should be something like this-light breakfast(I never feel like eating breakfast)+no lunch+fruit as a snack+ light or no dinner

On days that I don't have school, I'm going to cook my life away. As my research has shown me, it keeps suspicions low

Hopefully with this, I won't look like Free fucking Willy anymore.

I hate food

The taste, ingredients, calories. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT! Today I ate crescents (no milk or eggs), soy hot chocolate,  2 spring rolls and a tofu ice-cream cone thing. I feel like a fat ho bag and I just wanna cry and purge. I'm sick with a pretty bad congestion so I know that my body needs food, but I had been eating less and less before getting sick and now...blah. Not to mention that I've been drinking non-diet soda.

Lately I've had this "problem" that oily foods really gross me out. I quote problem because this is a blessing! But my mom made the spring rolls and her bitchiness would of came full force if I hadn't ate them.

Also, my mom is not fully supportive of my vegan decision. "It's only a little bit of milk!" It doesn't matter, it has milk. Milk=me no eat. Milk seems to be in so many random things, like croutons and doritos. Fucking milk. Also, I thought the Boca burgers I had were vegan, but they have milk AND eggs. What's up with that? So I can't say I'm eating fully vegan yet, I have to finish those burgers and croutons.

I need to get better, get my ass to the gym and find a way to skip meals and get rid of food if you know what I'm saying. I feel so guilty and disgusting, it's not even funny. I got a gym membership like 2 weeks ago and I still haven't been able to go.

In other news, last day of midterms Monday. So far...

• AP Environmental Science-C
• AP English Literature-A or B
• AP Spanish-A
• AP World History- Most likely something horrible. I don't even wanna know. 

Thoughts on toddlers and tiaras (it doesn't even deserve capitalization)

I was watching this show with my mom today, and it made furious. Of course I'm only 17 but how can a parent in the right mind get their child involved in that? There were little babies there of 5 months old! What is wrong with these parents?! 

Not only are you asking for your children to have a freaking emotional trauma, you're also begging for them to be arrogant, superficial, idiotic brats! It's beyond selfish to do that to your kid just because you're a stupid whore that used to do pageants or has been hideously ugly her/his whole life. 

But Mel, these kids are going to get judged in society based on looks, what's the difference? 

It's sooo different! First of all, there's the chance the stupidity won't get to them as much (let's face it people- beauty queens are vain and retarded). I'm not even going to go into the rest because if someone actually asked this....well, his/her brain is wayyyy to small and incompetent to comprehend an answer or maybe even words at all. 

Some people say that pageants help the kids deal with competition, make friends...etc. I say those are all BS reasons. And yes, I do believe that pageants set women back many years. Remember Miss Teen USA 2007? Perfect example! 

New Year's Beauty

The wonderful Michelle Phan made a video about new year beauty resolutions, so I thought I should make my own list. However, mine involves body and face so it's not exactly true to her concept. Here it goes:

1. Deep clean my make-up brushes after 2 uses. It's just so annoying to do! 
2. Take off all my eye make-up properly everyday. No more just using wipes and looking like a freaking raccoon later
3. Make moisturizer part of my nightly routine. I'm looking into Clinique's dramatically different mouisturizing gel.
4. Make exfoliating part of my weekly routine. I had Lush's Sea Salt which was freaking amazing. However, when I ran out my mom wouldn't buy me more. Ugh. I might just go for the Clinique Exfoliating Scrub since it's cheaper. 
5. Also include pore strips and facial masks into my weekly routine. 
6. Hit the gym at least 5X a week. 
7. I can't do water, it seems to just go straight through me and it's gross. So, diet soda. 
8. Veganism. Veganism. Veganism.
9. Stay under 1,300 cals. per day
10. Start taking better care of my nails again. My real nails were long and gorgeous throughout the summer and spring...and then I stopped caring. Sad stuff. 

If you're wondering about all the skincare stuff,my skin is less than perfect and I really don't do enough for it. It's sooooo much better now compared to what it used to be, but still. I get the little bumps underneath the skin that are hard as hell to get rid of. If you have this, or any skin issue, go see a doctor! I got prescription lotion and it helped a ton. 

I really do hate my life...

Break is going to be over in a few days and I have done absolutely nothing, all because I can't drive pretty much.  My resentment towards my family seems to be growing by the second. Sometimes it seems like it would be worth it to give it up to some guy just to feel love. However, I'm not that naive.

On a more cheerful note, I saw Scott Pilgrim VS. The World last night *ahem* at 4AM. Great movie with an awful soundtrack. I'm not a great movie reviewer so....thumbs up!