Thoughts on toddlers and tiaras (it doesn't even deserve capitalization)

I was watching this show with my mom today, and it made furious. Of course I'm only 17 but how can a parent in the right mind get their child involved in that? There were little babies there of 5 months old! What is wrong with these parents?! 

Not only are you asking for your children to have a freaking emotional trauma, you're also begging for them to be arrogant, superficial, idiotic brats! It's beyond selfish to do that to your kid just because you're a stupid whore that used to do pageants or has been hideously ugly her/his whole life. 

But Mel, these kids are going to get judged in society based on looks, what's the difference? 

It's sooo different! First of all, there's the chance the stupidity won't get to them as much (let's face it people- beauty queens are vain and retarded). I'm not even going to go into the rest because if someone actually asked this....well, his/her brain is wayyyy to small and incompetent to comprehend an answer or maybe even words at all. 

Some people say that pageants help the kids deal with competition, make friends...etc. I say those are all BS reasons. And yes, I do believe that pageants set women back many years. Remember Miss Teen USA 2007? Perfect example! 

New Year's Beauty

The wonderful Michelle Phan made a video about new year beauty resolutions, so I thought I should make my own list. However, mine involves body and face so it's not exactly true to her concept. Here it goes:

1. Deep clean my make-up brushes after 2 uses. It's just so annoying to do! 
2. Take off all my eye make-up properly everyday. No more just using wipes and looking like a freaking raccoon later
3. Make moisturizer part of my nightly routine. I'm looking into Clinique's dramatically different mouisturizing gel.
4. Make exfoliating part of my weekly routine. I had Lush's Sea Salt which was freaking amazing. However, when I ran out my mom wouldn't buy me more. Ugh. I might just go for the Clinique Exfoliating Scrub since it's cheaper. 
5. Also include pore strips and facial masks into my weekly routine. 
6. Hit the gym at least 5X a week. 
7. I can't do water, it seems to just go straight through me and it's gross. So, diet soda. 
8. Veganism. Veganism. Veganism.
9. Stay under 1,300 cals. per day
10. Start taking better care of my nails again. My real nails were long and gorgeous throughout the summer and spring...and then I stopped caring. Sad stuff. 

If you're wondering about all the skincare stuff,my skin is less than perfect and I really don't do enough for it. It's sooooo much better now compared to what it used to be, but still. I get the little bumps underneath the skin that are hard as hell to get rid of. If you have this, or any skin issue, go see a doctor! I got prescription lotion and it helped a ton. 

I really do hate my life...

Break is going to be over in a few days and I have done absolutely nothing, all because I can't drive pretty much.  My resentment towards my family seems to be growing by the second. Sometimes it seems like it would be worth it to give it up to some guy just to feel love. However, I'm not that naive.

On a more cheerful note, I saw Scott Pilgrim VS. The World last night *ahem* at 4AM. Great movie with an awful soundtrack. I'm not a great movie reviewer so....thumbs up!

Jealousy is the cousin of greed?

Indeed so, according  to Cute Is What We Aim For.

So, I have this friend, Z, who I have known since middle school (we're both seniors in high school now) but we started getting close junior year because of the wonders of Harry Potter and the hell that was AP Biology.

Anywho, as much as I like this girl (most of the time), I feel that I have a relationship that involves a lot of jealousy with her. From her part because of guys liking me, me being "pretty" as per say. I don't consider myself pretty, nor am I trying to brag. These are just my observations. Jealousy on my part because of her family's financial background. It really does seem like we throw these things at each other. Why are girls caring to each other but also tear each other down? Such bitchiness doesn't even make sense.

There is much more I need to say about my friendship with her, but it would be "irregardless!" Another post, another time.

Would you wait 12 years for someone?

I'm crying so hard over freaking Futurama!
Click here! For Real

I'm feeling so much better now that I read the wikipedia thing, but seeing a dog waiting years and years for its owner got to me- yes even a fictional dog.

I love animals. They are loyal, kind, friendly.... everything that humans aren't. People that hurt them are just scum. Hunting isn't a sport, it's murder. One day I'm going to train deer to kill hunters, it's gonna be great and maybe then, it can be considered a "sport". I get so happy when a bull kills a matador, it's truly euphoric. Have humans become so primitive and vile they choose to kill for fun those they consider below them? It's a fucking outrage.

To anybody out there reading this, you CAN make a difference in an animal's life. Become vegetarian, educate yourself and others on animal cruelty (there is a difference between educating and shoving beliefs down a person's throat.) If there was an animal shelter around me, you bet I would be dedicating time there.

Awwwwww :) 

Day 1 of diet:successful (kinda).

I had one plate of rice with vegetables and a veggie pattie for lunch (didn't eat the whole thing, it was a lot!)

anddd...grilled tomatoes with a veggie sausage thing for dinner

My fallout was eating Swiss Rolls after dinner and drinking Mountain Dew Voltage. However, I'm going to drink soda until I finish the bottles I have. Also, the biggest goal right now is veganism. I've been vegetarian since 2004 and it just seems like the right time. I'm taking this one day at a time just like I did in 2004 though.

I've also decided to become productive and actually cook 0.0
That should be quite an adventure

Now I'm watching the South Park, which I absolutely adore. I haven't seen this episode before, it's the one with the home-schooled kids.

I don't even know why I still post on here. I guess it just makes me feel better to get my problems "out there". Knowing that a total stranger could read them actually makes me feel better for some reason.

It's Now Or Never

Bon Jovi's music is truly phenomenal. Especially this song that solely inspires me. I didn't want to include it in my last post because that's already hell-a long.

Here are the lyrics for you:
It's My Life-Bon Jovi

This ain't a song for the brokenhearted
No silent prayer for the faith departed
And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just wanna live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky, gotta make your own breaks

It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just wanna live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

You better stand tall
When they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break
Baby, don't back down

It's my life
It's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just wanna live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life!







It really gets to me. I think I might even start my diet tomorrow haha

I just want to leave....

So yesterday my grandma told me that she told my uncle about my plans to move back to my home country and he wants to help- he wants me to go to FL to see what that state can offer.

Now, in order for this to make sense, there's background info to be known. My uncle owns various cleaning companies and hotels- some of which are in FL. He wants me to work for him during the summer to earn my own money and see what Florida is like. He thinks I'm going to suffer back in my homeland. Truth of the matter, I know it's going to suck big time moving, but I have my mind made up on it. I've had all these dreams of college life, which I'm not going to be able to have there, but as Albus Dumbledore once said, it does no good to dwell on dreams.

Can't anyone see how miserable I am here? No license, no nothing. My greatest dream and goal is Europe, London to be exact. I can't travel. Even if I get a degree here, I wouldn't get hired. And fuck no, I'm not cleaning up after ANYONE nor do I plan to fight anyone else's battles. I'm not going to be some mediocre like the rest of my family. My grandma says "those things come, you have to wait." I've done my waiting, almost 10 years of it!

There are more reasons besides these of why I'm the Ice Cold Queen. Literally, my feelings are so fucked up. I've learned that you can't expect much from anyone or anything, cause IT WILLL FUCK YOU OVER. I don't even feel much happiness anymore, I've grown to be numb.

Here's the even more fucked up part, I really don't think I will miss my family at all. I've cried over parting with my cat, but that's it. I've thought of parting with the rest of my family and it actually makes me happy...
Maybe it's because my dad left when I was 8 with a promise to come back. Maybe I've just become too screwed up. The bottom line is, people are replaceable. I've got grandparents who are good people, but never took a US citizenship test in 9 years to ask for my residency. I've got a mother who never finished college and can't even learn English. I've got a brother with Autism....
Can you blame me for wanting to leave?!

And by the way, whenever you think that your life sucks, I'm here to prove that it can get much worse. If I was all over the place in this post, I apologize(sorta), but my thoughts are not necessarily organized either

I've been obsessed with this lately

I'm late on finding out about it, but it's just hilarious. I even bought the song on i-tunes haha, go run and tell THAT

Not much to say....

But I wanted to write. I've been working on a list of books I want to read when I get around to it. I love reading books I get to pick out. I read all the HON books in a week over the summer. I know I'm a loser, hah. I'm also that kid that got the Harry Potter books at midnight and read them all in one sitting before going to bed. Anywho, I'll post that list when it's done.

I've also been working on my skinny-bitch plan, as I like to call it. Hopefully my mom will come through with letting me go vegan. The calories and fat are not my main reason for doing it, the animals are. I need to bring myself to stop being a bum and get my ass to gym everyday, along with just swallowing food (I'm the pickiest person EVER). This will be the first time I have a new year's resolution with that. I never make one because I don't believe you need a new year to change.

Also, I'm not applying to US colleges anymore. If you've read my earlier posts, you know what I'm talking about. You would also know it's no shocker I'm not tired at all at 1AM.

What I hate about Christmas

So, I'm the Grinch. Except, I've never actually seen that movie and I'm not green. Anyhow, I'm Christmas, and this is why. Sometimes you really do have to look at everything, not just the positives of something.

1. Christmas Carols. The fucking carols make me want to kill someone. They're overly repetitive and either overly cheery or emotional with a hint of creepiness. And those remixes? Nooo. 
2. Putting a price on people. Do I really need to explain? 
3. Christmas lights. I hope frosty melts, the reindeer die and Santa chokes on his own gluttony. While you're at it, I hope you get electrocuted :). What a waste of energy. 
4. Other Christmas decorations. I really don't see the point of buying something just so it looks pretty for a few weeks. Especially when no one else is going to see them. 
5. Those people dressed up as santa outside shopping centers with the bells asking for donations. 
6. How overly crowded shopping centers get. 
7. The ugly sweaters
8. Cinnamon and gingerbread literally seem to be on anything, and they're both gross. 
9. Overly cheery people "in the spirit" 
10. The pine tree massacre
11. The turkey massacre. Thanksgiving and Christmas are the 2 holidays that call for their biggest genocide. Being vegetarian since 2004, I don't approve. 
12. Christmas movies. All this gushy family love with the "everything will be great!" attitudes make me sick. 
13. Family get-together time. 
14. Being stressed about money and buying people gifts

However....this is most likely my last Christmas with my family so I am going to try to make the best out of it. So, here's my list of the things I DO like about Christmas. 

1. Candy canes
2. Holiday gift sets
3. Getting presents :)
4. Funny pictures of pets with Santa hats 
5. The glass Coke bottles

Weekend excitement! Hah, sike.

Saturday night...and as always, I'm chilling at home. I don't really have a lot of friends, as I can't stand most people my own age. Hence, one of the reasons I can't wait until college...whatever it may be. I have no intention of keeping in touch with anyone after graduation/senior week. Keeping them on FB is going to be a fucking joke.

My mom's out working, and I'm stuck "babysitting" my brother. Blah. Little Miss Sunshine is playing, pretty good movie. Also, I found the receipts of what mother bought me for Christmas. The UD<3NYC Book of Shadows, MAC Coral Lipglass set, and the Slytherin scarf from the WB site. I'm pretty happy about that.

I'm making it a point to stop drinking sugar soda as soon as I finish the cans I have, and start going to the gym to do yoga and pilates. I can't do much cardio because my heartrate goes up to 180 like that *snaps*. I feel like a failure everytime I eat, but there's not much I can do about that since my mother is a super intuitive witch (I mean that in the nicest way possible). Either way, I don't eat much...but still.

Question Sleep?

It's 4:38 AM and I'm not the least tired. I woke up at 7 AM for school (2 hr. delay), and this ALWAYS happens on friday night like clockwork. The fact that I've had 2 cups of coffee today is irrelevant. My sleeping pattern always flips on me to be nocturnal, it's fucking weird.

It's customary for me to take a nap after school, but even when I don't, I feel myself "waking up" around 6PM...once again, like clockwork. Ironic part is I love sleep.

I need some nyquil, but maybe I'm just a vampire. Who knows? I know enough vampire stories and I'm crazy enough for it. I'm definitely not a morning person, I hate waking up, and everything about it. I'm even more of a "I hate world" bitch without my coffee.

Worried

Will anyone read this? Will anyone care :-/

Worried about....
College, Life, The Future. Am I going to stay in the US? Is Pitt going to accept me with how crappy my second semester junior grades were?

As far as junior year goes, I just didn't have the time and it was sooo hard. Not that it matters now, it's done and there's nothing I can do. At least I gave it my all.

Hitler took up all my time with AP Biology (refer to March files for example). The homework was insane. The homework questions were written according to the old book, so one answer would be found in page 100 and another in page 500. Not only did I not have time to learn the material, I didn't have much time to focus on homework for my other AP classes either. It makes me cry just thinking about all the C's on my transcript. As for the D in Algebra, I just really can't do math. I'm more of a theory person- my 5 in the AP Psychology exam proves it, I think.

I'm finishing my college essay during Christmas break and asking for letters of recommendation after break. Everything should be in by January.

As far as staying in the US, I'm not a legal resident. I came here legally with my parents when I was 8 and my visa expired. This is the only country I know but I can't stay here if Dream Act doesn't pass. I want to go to law school, and who'd hire a lawyer without a SS number?

Now, I don't want to hear any BS about how I'm breaking the law, I was 8! I didn't have a say, and I don't know my home country. It's tearing me apart to feel like this, so helpless. I know so many Americans who are druggies and a bunch of ass-hats. I'm a good person who has worked their ass off in high school for a better future. I don't see in what dimension this is fair.